Ah, so this is what love is
by leekstuffs
Summary: High school setting starring the handsome Mikuo-senpai and young, bashful Len. BL warning. Need I say more?
1. Chapter 1

He glanced over at the sleeping figure of his counterpart, watched as that small chest rose and fell with every breath the young male took.

Suddenly, those closed eyes snapped open.

"Wh-what just... Senpai, what time is it now?" he burst out saying.

"Uh... It's 5 in the afternoon. I saw you sleeping really soundly, so I didn't wake you," Mikuo explained, attempting to hide his faint blush beneath his disheveled hair.

Len stared blankly into space for moments, unconsciously rubbing at the red spot on his face that had formed as he napped.

"Wasn't I supposed to be doing something...?" Len mumbled to himself, puzzled. Mikuo raised an eyebrow questioningly at the blonde's antics.

"I'm not sure, but you did seem pretty tired when you came in, did something happen?" Mikuo asked soothingly, patting his junior's hand gently. He honestly wanted to help the little thing badly, how could he shoulder all those burdens he carried with those meager shoulders of his?

"The leaflets! I forgot to give them out..." Len cried out in agony, finally remembering his ever important task.

"Leaflets? Might you be referring to the ones for next week's festival preparations?"

"Yeah, exactly those... Oh no... I was supposed to give them out before school ended but I was too tired during lessons I couldn't concentrate at all and decided to come here for a short rest instead..." Len's voice slowly faded off, and the disappointment he held towards himself was prominent in the tone he used to condemn his own actions.

"If you're talking about those, I gave them out already," Mikuo said calmly, stroking the blonde's hair in an attempt to console him.

"Senpai! Thank you so much! You shouldn't have..." Len jumped up, embracing the taller male in a warm hug, before pulling back and direction a grateful gaze towards his respected senior, eyes sparkling in relief.

Mikuo smiled at him, and started to get up.

"Wait, Mikuo-senpai!" Len called out bashfully.

"What is it, Len?" Mikuo turned, combing back his teal fringe with elegant fingers.

Len blushed at his senior's habit, looking at the floor, as an unknown feeling suddenly overcame him and he found himself unable to look the suave teal male properly in the eye. He stammered out an invitation for dinner to repay the elder's kindness, disappointment flooded his insides as Mikuo rejected the offer, saying there was no such need.

"But..." Len tried once again, feeling his face heat up.

"Let's just head out for a normal dinner, okay? I don't owe you anything, and neither do you owe me anything." Len's blush intensified upon hearing such words come out from his senior's mouth, spoken in a voice smooth as velvet. He hurriedly pushed past Mikuo, mumbling something about grabbing his bag from class when he was stopped in his tracks by a firm, extended arm. Surprised, he stepped back, only to be mere millimeters away from his senior, so close he could feel the warmth radiating from the broad figure. Again, he directed his gaze towards the floor.

"No need, I've already retrieved it for you," Mikuo whispered into Len's ear, and Len shuddered at the warm breath caressing his earlobe.

"O-Okay..." came Len's stunted reply.

"Now then, shall we go?" Mikuo said, turning away from Len to retrieve both their bags, as if nothing had happened. Len found himself yearning for the warmth of that body, for the proximity they shared even though he had only the chance to experience it for mere moments.

Len stood rooted to the spot, not saying anything. Mikuo's eyebrows furrowed and he lifted Len's chin gently in order to see his face clearer. He wasn't feeling ill, or was he?

Glazed eyes met those laden with concern, and in an instant, Mikuo's intentions changed entirely. His conscience snapped and before he could stop himself nor even try to comprehend the reason behind his actions, he found himself pressing his lips to his junior's – all he knew was that he wanted to do so, and that he wanted it badly.

Len leaned into the kiss, and whimpered slightly when they separated. He was slightly out of breath, and the insistent thumping in his chest made it difficult for him to think clearly.

"Hello, could the two of you leave? I need to close up the infirmary and return the key to the teachers' office," came a voice from the doorway, and the duo turned in time to see a head of blue pop in to check on the people still inside.

"Sure, we were just going out. Sorry for bothering you," Mikuo said smoothly, and left the room without a hurry, Len following close behind.

They walked through the silent corridors briskly, rushing to get out of the suffocating place – anywhere, anywhere else would do. Len grabbed on shyly to Mikuo's shirt, clinging on to his senior, shielding himself from his fear of the dark. No other students were left in the school, the only people still present were the teachers working overtime in the teachers' office. This, the both of them knew quite clearly. Mikuo pulled Len over to stand beside him instead of following behind, putting an arm around his shoulder as a form of protection. Len leaned into the warmth of Mikuo's arm, hesitantly breathing in the smell of Mikuo on his sweater. He did not feel the slightest bit cold, despite it being in the peak of winter, in empty corridors haunted by cold drafts of wind from outside the school.

Mikuo watched on as Len bent to retrieve his outdoor shoes from the lockers, having already put his on. He held out a hand to the shivering Len, and grasped it tightly, huddling close as the two stepped out of the school entrance, ready to brave the cold of the wintry evening.

"It's late out," said Mikuo, to the Len that was trembling with nervousness. "Let's have dinner another day, okay?"

Len nodded in response, relief overcoming initial disappointment, at the chance to escape for the time being, and to be able to get home to think about what had happened that day.

They walked without saying another word to one another, doing nothing more but staying close to each other, and as they separated ways in the directions of their own homes, they turned away slowly as if in synchronization, carrying equally sad expressions each as they once again greeted the cold with bodies no longer able to feel the warmth of their counterpart.


	2. Chapter 2

The week flew past quickly, and Len found himself drowned in the bustle of the school festival preparations that had finally started to pay off. From time to time, others would catch him drifting off into space, and upon questioning he would reply saying that he was merely tired, even though deep down he knew it was because of a turquoise-haired male he felt he would never get enough of.

"Len-kun!" called a high-pitched voice from behind.

"Yes, sensei?" Len replied instinctively, turning to greet the owner of the voice, registering the pink, flowing hair that grew past the waist.

"The person originally in charge of making announcements just fell sick from food poisoning! So, I need you in the audio recording room, pronto, taking their place! You're free at the moment, right? Oh, and Mikuo-kun is going to be there too to help, since I'm pretty sure you haven't done anything like that before," the teacher smiled and gave Len instructions, before briskly walking off, high heels clicking away at the floor.

Len tried hard to fight off the blush that settled on his face as he proceeded to the audiovisual room and spotted Mikuo leaning against the doorway, eyes closed as if resting. He walked up to Mikuo, and waited a few moments before opening his mouth to say something. He was, however, interrupted by the Mikuo who seemed to sense his presence, and opened his eyes that swiveled over to gaze at Len.

"Hey there, Len," Mikuo smiled warmly, and opened the door to the audio recording room, motioning for Len to enter first. He stepped in after Len did, and promptly closed the door behind him.

"So what we have to do here is pretty simple, actually. We just need to make announcements to the school about ongoing performances that any classes are having on, giving details such as what time the performance will begin, and where it will be held," Mikuo rattled off, yet all Len could do was just watch the movements of his lips as they formed words that went in one of his ears and out the other. He was so nonchalant, it was actually frightening – had everything that happened that day been nothing but a dream? Len only knew that no matter what, these feelings he held for the elder male that stood before him were real.

"Hey, are you listening or what?" Mikuo asked the young male before him, head bowed, mouth fixed in a seemingly permanent pout. When Len did not reply, he lifted a hand and ruffled the blonde's hair, watching in amusement as the hair stuck up messily after he was done with it.

"I..." Len breathed.

"You what?"

"N-nothing. It's nothing. Forget I said anything, I'm sorry. I wasn't listening at alll. Could you repeat what you were saying one more time, please?" Len shook his head, as if attempting to shake these inappropriate feelings away.

Now, it was Mikuo's turn to frown. Yet seeing the younger one revert back into serious work mode, he decided to forgive him, just this time. He was indeed hoping for something, but if Len refuses to tell him what he had wanted to, then he would respect his decision.

"Like I was saying, we just have five... No, six announcements to make today. We have to inform the people attending the school festival of the performances happening, including when and where they will commence. Got it?"

"Yeah. Do you have the list of performances and their details, then?" Len leaned past Mikuo to have a better look of the table he was positioned in front of, wondering if his senior had placed it there. Mikuo almost forgot to reply, nearly getting lost in the smell of Len and the warmth of his body so close to him. What had happened that day was something he had been endlessly reliving in his own mind, whenever he had time to himself. That warmth Len bore, condensed in such a small body, fragile as if it would fall apart at the slightest of touches...

"I do, it's right here," Mikuo replied, reaching into his pocket to retrieve a folded list of names. Their fingers grazed and Mikuo kept his eyes on Len's reaction, noticing the slight falter in that determined gaze of his.

"Let's see... The time now is one in the afternoon, and there's a performance at two thirty later. Should we make an announcement once thirty minutes beforehand, then another five minutes just before the thing actually begins? Just so that people can have a heads up and get there on time," suggested Len. He hoped that Mikuo was not seeing how hard he was trying not to stammer, how he held the list minimally with only fingertips gripping the paper tightly – it still had the heat of Mikuo on it.

"That's a great idea, we'll do exactly that," Mikuo agreed, going on to tell Len of how the previous year he was unable to make it on time to a performance on his favorite play just because the announcers halfheartedly did their job and announced the play's details once, mere minutes before the play had begun. He had rushed there from the other side of the school building, pushing past the crowds in the corridors. It was all to no avail, however, as he got there just in time to watch the performing actors and actresses bow to an applauding crowd, before returning backstage.

"But senpai, aren't play details listed on our school festival pamphlet? I mean, look! They're written right here," Len pointed out, and looking up at Mikuo just as the slightest hint of red appeared on his senior's normally composed face.

"I know, but I was having so much fun elsewhere I forgot the time... I mean, it's their fault anyways, right, since they didn't bother to announce it early to notify people..." Mikuo faded off, as he heard Len chuckle.

"Right, right. It's totally their fault," Len laughed, beaming at his senior.

They chatted the hour away, and Len learnt more about his senior's clumsy side, a change from the one he usually got to see in school – calm and really kind.

"Afternoon, everybody. Hope you're enjoying the festival up till now! This is a reminder for the 'Rose' play that will commence at two thirty later in the afternoon. It will be held in the school hall, located on the second floor. Thanks for listening!" Mikuo spoke into the microphone in a cheery voice. Len swore he could hear squeals from outside the audiovisual room even if it was supposedly soundproofed.

"Must be those fangirls of yours," he giggled cheekily, as Mikuo rolled his eyes at him.

"I locked the door already, so they won't be able to come in anyways. So, do you understand how the equipment all works now?"

"You bet I do," Len grinned.

"Okay, then you do the next one."

Not more than twenty-five minutes later, Len found himself sitting nervously before the microphone. He turned to look at Mikuo with pleading eyes, as nervousness threatened to overcome him, about to give his very first announcement to the school. He was never really a very confident person, and now he was to have his voice broadcasted all over the school, have everybody able to listen to the voice that belonged to him...

"Calm down, you're going to be fine," Mikuo said from behind, snapping Len out from his abyss of thoughts. He placed a reassuring hand on Len's shoulder, gripping it firmly. "I know you can do it."

"H-Hello, everybody. This is yet another reminder for the 'Rose' play that will be held in the school hall, please proceed there if you are planning to spectate as it will begin in just a few minutes. Thank you," Len managed, somehow. As he turned the broadcast off, he was no longer able to control the blush that instantly spread across his face, as he was once again comforted by the kind words from his senior.

"See? You did just fine, just like I thought you would."

"Th-thank you, senpai," Len stammered.

"It's no big deal," Mikuo said, desperately holding himself back from ravishing the male that sat before him. Everything he did seem to taunt him, entice him into doing something he felt he may eventually regret. He did not put it against him though, as he knew deep down that the young, innocent teenager was incapable of such a thing, that everything was merely a result of his own feelings towards the teen, wrong or not.

They drowned in silence after that, smoothly completing the rest of the announcements as they both tried hard to ignore the fluttering in their chests.


	3. Chapter 3

"Mikuo!" called a voice from behind. Mikuo turned to greet the person who addressed him so intimately when he was met with the sight of a female clad in green hair. She seemed oddly familiar to him, but he was too caught off guard to successfully put a name to the beaming face that grinned happily at him.

"I'm sorry, I don't think we've ever..." Mikuo started to say, still confused at the sudden appearance of the green-haired female when the realization finally hit him. "Gumi!"

"What do you mean you don't think we've ever met! That's being real cold, y'know! We haven't seen each other in so long and that's the first thing you have to say to me?" Gumi pouted, whining.

"Eh, don't be that way. Like you just said, it's been so long since we last met! Also, you changed quite a fair bit, and we haven't seen each other in 5 years!" Mikuo laughed, lifting a hand to ruffle Gumi's hair. "It's really been a while. You grew your hair out, huh."

"I did!" Gumi proclaimed proudly.

"I still remember the days when you were still a tomboy, short hair and all, refusing to grow it out and cutting it whenever you had the chance, no matter how much Auntie and Uncle begged you not to!"

"P-People change, okay!" Gumi stuttered, face red.

"Umm... Sempai?" Len voiced meekly, peeking out at the stranger before him from behind his senior.

"Len! Oh, right. Meet my childhood friend, Gumi. We've known each other since young, but she went overseas when she was 10 and... Speaking of which, why're you back in Japan?" Mikuo started to explain to Len, then turned back to Gumi for a continuation.

"Dad's company is expanding into Japan! His company felt that since he was a native, it would be most appropriate if he were the one to head the expansion, so Dad's here for work, technically. Mom's here, too. As for me, my school's vacationing now, so I decided why not come back and revisit some old faces? Speaking of which, you've really grown old, Mikuo," Gumi obliged, then added on cheekily.

"Uncle's company? You mean the one that made your family move in the first place? His work must be doing really great, huh! And hey," Mikuo chastized Gumi, flicking at her bangs-covered forehead lightly. "I am older than you, remember? You've grown older too."

Gumi stuck out her tongue at Mikuo in response, then retracted it and smiled. "Boy, I've really missed Japan."

"Why didn't you come visit, then?"

"It's not like I didn't want to! Go easy on me, okay? Dad was busy with his work, and Mum was trying pretty hard to get us all settled nicely in our new place... During holidays when I wanted to come back, Mum wouldn't let me go off on my own, and she refused to leave Dad alone at our place 'cause well, you know how bad he is at taking care of himself."

"Auntie sure knew how to keep the unreliable you safe. It's just as people say, huh? Like father, like daughter."

"It's 'like father, like son!'"

"Works too, doesn't it? I mean, you are technically female but I reckon you're more of..."

Mikuo was interrupted by a punch in the stomach, but he recovered quickly and started laughing loudly instead. The two appeared to have forgotten Len's existence, leaving him merely capable of bearing witness to the intimate exchanges the two had, which was not odd seeing as they had known each other since they were little.

Len could not help the prickly feeling he had in his heart, however, and desperately wanted to leave the scene.

"Sempai, I've just remembered I've got some homework I haven't done that has to be handed in tomorrow..." Len mumbled incoherently, and without waiting for a reply, stumbled off in the same direction he and Mikuo originally came from before Gumi had sprung out of nowhere and made him feel as if he had never existed in Mikuo's life.

"Uh, okay then," Mikuo turned and said in reply, watching the figure of his junior walk off unsteadily back from where they came.

"Hey, Mikuo! Who was that, by the way?" Gumi asked, curious.

"Len. He's my junior. We met doing duties for teachers; he's a likely candidate for school committee chairperson, with that capability of his."

"School committee chairperson?" Gumi repeated, dumbfounded. "Aren't school committee chairpersons usually like, your age? How old is he? He looks barely older than I am."

"He's 15. A year younger than you."

"Wow. That's way cool. And to top it off, he's kinda cute, too!" Gumi exclaimed excitedly. "Uh oh. I didn't make him feel uncomfortable just now, did I?"

"I don't think so... He's probably just busy with duties on top of homework and all that. School committee member, get what I mean? He was kind of acting weird, though..." Mikuo explained, fading off. Gumi frowned at her spaced out childhood friend.

"Were you two like, on the way home?" Gumi asked, trying to get Mikuo's mind off of his troubles.

"Well, not exactly. Len and I were just heading out for dinner, but since he's busy and all that I guess we can have it another time?"

"Then, do you wanna come over to my place and have dinner? Auntie and Uncle sure have missed you! I came to your school to find you for that."

"What reason do I have to refuse? Of course I will. I've missed them too," Mikuo smiled, remembering all the fond memories from his childhood he had spent with Gumi.

x

Len flopped onto his bed, pounding into his pillow.

"I hate this feeling..." Len muttered into his covers, pulling them over his head. His voice came out muffled, just as he felt his state of mind seemed to be at that very moment.

"I hate who I am right now..."

Tears came rushing forward as Len wallowed in negativity. He was irritated by Gumi's sudden appearance, feeling as if Mikuo had been taken away from him.

"But he's not mine anyways..."

He felt as if he harbored hatred for the innocent girl he had just met that day, even without getting to know more about her.

"She didn't even do anything to me... Have I always been this shallow a person?"

"I hate, hate, hate this!" Len cried out loud, and curled himself into a ball on his bed. "I hate... myself."

That night, Len sobbed into his bolster under the covers miserably, restlessly tossing and turning until he finally fell into a dreamless sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

"Hey, Len? What's up with you? You've been spacing out all day, man. And your face looks terrible. Have you gotten any sleep last night?" came a concerned voice from far away.

Len blinked his eyes and snapped back to reality. He lifted his head to greet a bobbing head of silver leaning towards him from the table in front.

"I'm fine, Piko. Just... busy, and all. I was catching up last night on my homework late into the night, so you're right; I didn't get much sleep last night."

"You say that, but from what I can tell your homework seems to be barely touched - who'd believe a lie like that when you've been half-hounded by teachers all day, their precious star student actually having forgotten to complete his assignments," Piko paused. "Really though, I can't believe you got away with it just because they gave you the benefit of doubt and just trusted that you were busy with other duties!" As he said so, he playfully slapped Len on the shoulder, and Len smiled a little in response. Piko was his closest friend, having been in the same class as him for the past year and the two of them growing close by Piko's outspoken nature drawn to his quite one.

"I get it if you don't want to talk to me about some things, but just... don't stress yourself out too much. Okay? I'm always here if you need me."

"I know..."

"You sound like you don't though, Len! You know, you've been really cold these days~" Piko started to whine, clinging to Len's shirt as Len laughed and tried to pull his shorter friend off of himself. He felt better after loosening up a little, but not much.

"Piko, don't you have club activities to head to? If you don't get going now, you won't get there in time. And remember the last time you were late? You had to run laps around the school compound..." Len reminded Piko cheekily.

"Aaaaah, don't remind me about that nightmare! It was so horrible, I had muscle cramps for days after that... those seniors... don't they know the meaning of mercy?!" Piko cried out in a strangled voice, hands on his head in frustration just at the thought of it. "Wait... I don't have time for this! I'll be going now, see you tomorrow, Len! If you want to talk, just call me, okay? Or, you could always text!"

Len waved his friend away, beaming at the sight of his silver hair bouncing as the tiny figure ran towards the venue where the archery club was being held. He inwardly smiled a little, remembering that one of the reasons why they grew close was that despite the fact that he himself was already short for his age, Piko on the other hand was astonishingly shorter. Yet, his small friend, a bundle of hyperactivity, loved participating in all kinds of sports, using his height as an advantage rather than a disability.

He walked out of the classroom alone, registering the empty hallway. It was Friday, after all, and most, if not all clubs aside from the hardworking archery club had stopped practice in anticipation of the upcoming summer holidays. 'We're having a competition real soon, so we've gotta work really hard, with no breaks at all! No pain, no gain!' Piko's cheery voice echoed in his mind.

As he approached the school entrance way and was tugging on his outdoor shoes after placing his indoor ones back on the shelf, he looked up just in time to see a tuft of turquoise hair round the school gate.

Instinctively, Len ran towards the familiar figure. Even though the very thought of that person knocked the breath out of his chest and made his heart swell, he ran, fighting back the pain that resulted, also due to his lack of active participation in physical education lessons and sports in general.

"Senpai!" he called, out of breath.

"Len-kun! What a coincidence. Heading home?" Mikuo turned back, giving a warm smile to the panting junior before him.

"Y-Yeah. I am." Len stuttered, suddenly feeling shy. He was glad that his face was already flushed from the short run, glad that his lack of physical fitness actually helped to cover up the fact that he was feeling embarrassment after the initial rush of adrenaline that came with him seeing the one he loved. He blushed even further, the shade of red on his face darkening at the very thought.

"Then, do you wanna join us?"

Len was already gaining back the breaths that he needed, but suddenly hearing the voice speak took them away from him again. He clutched his fists, and fought back the feeling of nausea.

"Gumi-san...! I'm sorry, I didn't see you there," Len apologized, looking anywhere but at her face.

"It's not your fault, Len," Mikuo grinned, "you're not to blame for the fact that she's too short, she's always hidden by the people she's with..."

"Mikuo!" Gumi cut him short, smacking his back as hard as she could.

The feeling of nausea intensified, and Len gulped down, hard.

"Ah, actually, I just remembered I have to rush home and get started on my homework. I've been called out by teachers all day today for not doing any, you know? I guess there's a limit to how much work one can handle... besides. I don't want to make you guys rush just because of me, so it's okay. I'll head home on my own," Len blurted out quickly, then bowed hastily and started off quickly in the direction of his house.

"E-Eh... Wait..." Mikuo tried to stop Len, but Len continued forward, refusing to give in and turn to see the two of them together any longer, a sight he could not stand.

"Didn't he excuse himself the other evening too, for the same thing? Wow. It must be busy being a high school student here in Japan, huh, Mikuo? Compared to my schoolwork over there in Canada, you guys sure must be suffering real bad," Gumi cocked her head to one side, confused. She sighed. "And I had wanted to get to know him better..."

"There's nothing we can do about it, then, if that's what he wants," Mikuo said softly, although it sounded more to himself rather than for the both of them to hear. "Well I'm not really sure, but life as a school committee member must be tough; commitments all over the place. You, on the other hand, free as a bird! Whacking me just now when I was just stating the truth... and I haven't paid you back for that punch on the stomach you gave me yesterday, too!"

Gumi stuck out her tongue at Mikuo in response. Mikuo then rolled his eyes lifted his hands to her sides, tickling her. pushing her to the brink of tears from laughing too hard. She begged for Mikuo to stop, claiming to never do so again, but Mikuo laughed along, and refuted her claim by reminding her that she had said so plenty of times in the past, yet not once stuck to her promise.

Far away, Len stopped in his tracks and glanced backwards where he came. His heart clenched, regretting the decision to do so instantly, as he watched the figures from a distance, enjoying themselves and just being too intimate for Len to handle. He staggered all the way home, a 10-minute walk from school, staring straight ahead and just trying his best to blank out his mind. At that moment, he did not feel like thinking about anything at all. For once, the thought of having to do his homework felt like a chore, even though he had always enjoyed it in the past.

He was lifeless at dinner, and his parents tutted at his unusual tardiness, although not sternly, something Len understood. He had not wanted to make his parents worry, either, so he forced out a bright smile and withdrew to his room, saying that he needed to get started on his work, something he would then busy himself with over the weekend.

Yet, as soon as Len felt fired up to do his homework that had piled up over the days he spent worrying, a sudden surge of fatigue overcame him, and he collapsed right on his covers, falling into a deep, deep sleep. His parents knocked on his door and entered his room an hour after he fell asleep, his mother carrying a tray of snacks. They had wanted to check up on their young son, wanted to advise him and tell him to take it slow and not to push himself too much. But seeing the eyebags underneath their son's closed eyes and the pale shade of his face, they left quietly, helping to turn off the light that their son had been exhausted to the point of having forgotten about and closing the door behind them. For now, they would let him catch up on his sleep.

That day was the first day Len had seen Mikuo ever since they had tried to head out for dinner but failed. That night, Len slept the most soundly and easily he had as compared to the previous few days, but in the end his dreams were just as haunting; the scenes he had witnessed of Mikuo and Gumi's intimacy played over and over again while he was forced to watch, unable to tear his eyes away, hate flooding his insides towards the girl before him and later on towards himself for even feeling that way.

He woke up in the middle of the night, drenched in cold sweat. Something contrastingly warm trailed down his cheek, and Len wiped it off with the back of his hand. In the glistening moonlight streaming through his open window, he saw the sparkle and shine of the tears that were reflected on his skin.


End file.
